Getting a driving licence

How to renew your driving licence in New Zealand

1. Go to the AA Shop, fill in a form, have an eyesight test, have your photo taken, pay the money, get your new driving licence.

How to get an exchange driving permit in Uganda

1. While living in Kampala pay 30,000 shillings (approx $26) to get a taxi through the horrendous Kampala traffic to URA (Uganda Revenue Authority) to pick up an application form
2. Go home, fill in the parts of the form you can, then realise you will need to see a doctor for him or her to complete part of the form
3. Consider which doctor to see. If you go to the one who treats muzungus, it will cost 30,000 in a taxi, 60,000 for Jon to register as a new patient, plus 30,000 each for the doctor to fill in 2 lines on the application forms, total cost 150,000. Walk to the nearest African doctor and pay 15,000 in total.
4. Get another taxi and pay 30,000 to go back with the completed forms
5. Wander around URA and eventually find the correct (unmarked) room
6. Stare at the many queues in front of various unmarked counters in different areas of the room
7. Pick a queue and join it
8. Don’t bother to ask anyone what the queue is for as no-one will understand you
9. Realise that they aren’t really queues, they are a free-for-all and that people push in front of you because you are politely standing there, so eventually learn to push to the front and wave the forms in front of the staff member’s nose
10. The staff members tells you to get a photocopy of your passport as ID
11. Send Jon off with the passports while you valiantly stand at the front to save the place
12. Jon comes back
13. Wave the completed forms and copies of the passports in front of the staff member’s nose
14. She needs to see the UK licences.
15. She then needs to show the UK licences to An Important Person to verify that they are indeed driving licences
16. She does something with the forms and points to another unmarked queue
17. Join this queue
18. This staff member says it will cost 60,000 each for a 3 year licence
    
19. Inform her you want a 1-year licence. "Not possible." You point to the poster on her wall where it says 1 year or 3 year licence
20. She amends cost to 45,000 for 1 year licence
    
21. You point to the poster on her wall where it says to pay 25,000
22. “That’s an old poster” she says
23. She gives invoices which need to be paid at a bank
24. Go to the bank
25. It’s closed
26. The next day pay another 30,000 to get a taxi back
27. Go to bank and pay two lots of 45,000
28. Go back to URA with forms and receipt for payment
29. Push your way to the front, and wave the forms in front of the same staff member’s nose.
30. She has to check again with the same Important Person to verify that our UK licences are indeed driving licences
31. Receive a temporary driving licence and get told to come back next week
32. Bad timing….move to live in Jinja
33. Next week now pay 100,000 and travel 2 hours each way in a taxi to URA
34. Go to counter and hand in temporary licence. "You can't have a 1 year licence, go and see that person over there"
    
35. Go to That Person Over There and get told nobody has a 1-year licence, they are all 3 years and cost 60,000. "The woman last week said we could" we say. They go to see the woman and argue with her.
36. They go to see someone else and argue with her
37. They say "How long will you be in Uganda?" We say "We don't know." They say "You can have a 1 year licence."
    
38. “Go to a different building” they say, "Face Technology who produce driving licence cards". It’s in a different area of the city
39. Go to the Face Technology building
40. Ask at the Information desk where to go. Get told to go to a kiosk on the outside of the building
41. Go to kiosk and hand forms in
42. Sit and wait to be called
43. Get called and go to a queue outside Room F
44. Go into Room F to get photo taken and a finger print scan. I fail the scan. How is it possible to fail a finger print scan? Who knows, but I do. Do a thumb scan instead
45. Realise there is still a long way to go so decide to go to toilet.
46. Wander around and find the toilet outside. There is a man with a small table outside the toilets selling phone top up cards. He charges 200 shillings for use of the toilet
47. Go into the toilet cubicle. It is dark. The light doesn’t work
48. The toilet is not a toilet but is in fact a long drop
49. Try not to fall down the long drop hole in the dark
50. When finished eventually locate the washhand basin on an outside wall. The water trickles out very s-l-o-w-l-y
51. Join the fray again and go to a table to fill in the form the woman in Room F had given. Have to write date of birth as CCYY-MM-DD (where C means ‘century’)
52. Go to counter 6 where a man fills in the details on the computer. He asks to see UK licence
53. He says “you have too many names to fit on the screen, I will just put your first and last name”
54. We go to the man at counter 12 who is sitting back-to-back with the man at counter 6. I have put the UK licence away as it has been looked at 3 times. He asks to see UK licence
55. He goes into the computer and corrects the mis-spellings of the man from counter 6 then says “you must have all your names on the computer screen”. “They don’t fit” we inform him. He makes them fit. My name is now Kim Ilenaandanarchamberlain but I’m past caring
56. Get given an invoice to pay for the actual driving licence card and get told to go to the final counter, counter 17, to pay
57. Go to counter 17 and pay 20,000
58. Feel a wave of relief as you realise you have finished the process
59. BUT NO! Get given a second temporary driving licence and get told to come back in 2 weeks
60. Turn to look at Jon. He has lost the will to live
61. Two weeks later pay 100,000 in taxi fares and travel two hours each way to go to Kampala
62. Jon picks up his driving licence
63. I’m too busy to go to get licence as I am in a meeting. I tell the people in the meeting about the driving licence saga. “Why are you getting a Uganda driving licence?” they ask “you can drive around using your UK one”
64. :-(
65. Now all we need is a car….