Chapter 1
Once upon a time there was a nice man and a nice lady. They lived with their nice son and nice daughter in a land far, far away.
At first they lived in a big city, but it was too busy so they moved to a nice town by a long, long river.
One day while they lived in the big city, they decided to apply for a Driving Permit.
Can you say that children? Try it after me “Dri-ving Per-mit”.
Well done.
They enjoyed every minute they spent getting their Permit. They enjoyed travelling the long way between the nice town and the big city to visit all the different offices. They hired a nice taxi driver to drive them there in his shiny car and they paid him lots of money. This made the nice taxi driver very happy, and so the nice man and the nice lady were happy too.
Chapter 2
One whole year passed, and the nice man and the nice lady had to apply for another Permit.
“What fun we had last year” said the nice lady, “Let’s hope it is as much fun this year too.”
Unfortunately they didn’t go to the offices in the big city any more so they couldn’t do all the long journeys again, nor pay the nice taxi driver lots of money. This made them sad. But they decided to visit all the of offices in the nice town lots more times instead.
When it came to the last visit to the offices to get their Permit they were very sad. Very sad indeed. They wished the process could go on longer.
But The Luck Fairy saw what was happening. She is the fairy who brings good luck to nice people who are feeling sad.
She decided to help them.
So when they went into the Permit office for the seventh time, The Luck Fairy switched off all the electricity. This made the office lady very grumpy, and she held the nice man and the nice lady’s Permits in her hand and wouldn’t give them the Permits because she couldn’t use her computer.
“How fortunate!” said the nice lady “The Luck Fairy must know all about us. She helps us a lot and now she has helped us again.”
The nice man and the nice lady, however, pretended to be a bit cross. They said big words like “Inconvenience” “Customer service” and “Incompetency beyond belief.” They said the last words very quietly in case the grumpy lady heard them. The words were so clever that it might have made the grumpy lady want to speed up the system for them.
But the nice man and the nice lady weren’t really cross at all. Inside, their hearts were singing with happiness.
The nice lady felt so lucky that she cried with Jon. er … with joy. She cried with joy.
This meant that the nice man and the nice lady could go into the office four more, happy, times.
One time The Luck Fairy didn’t turn off the electricity, she stopped the Network from working instead. The nice man and the nice lady were overjoyed when the grumpy office lady held back their Permits once again.
The following time The Luck Fairy made the nice lady feel unwell and so the nice man asked if he could pick up the nice lady’s Permit instead, and showed the grumpy office lady a letter of authority from the nice lady. Fortunately The Luck Fairy’s power was strong enough to make the grumpy office lady refuse.
However The Luck Fairy then had other work to do and so the nice lady picked up her Permit on the eleventh visit. But the nice man and the nice lady had both had such a joyful experience that they were very happy. Very happy indeed.
The End.
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I have discovered that I am vey delectable. At least to mosquitoes. They like me - a lot - and flock to be around me, ignoring all others.Jordan likes to sit next to me as he knows that any mozzies will by-pass him and come and commune with me.
One evening time, which is the start of mozzie-coming-out time, I was doing my usual, trying to protect myself from getting bitten, and sitting on the couch looking like Eskimo Woman. I was wearing a high necked sleeveless top, a long sleeved cardigan with sleeves so long that they come down to my knuckles, ¾ pants and Jon’s long winter socks. I was boiling hot.
Jordan was sitting next to me, almost naked, wearing only a pair of shorts. The mozzies avoided him completely and bit me on the finger tip.
Other than wearing a spacesuit, I really don’t know what else I can do.
I feel a bit like Pig-Pen from Snoopy, who calls himself a dust magnet. I’m a mosquito magnet and seem to have my own personal entourage wherever I go.
I guess it was only a matter of time until I was bitten by the wrong sort of mosquito – a female who has bitten someone with malaria.
Half way through the month I got malaria, something I’ve dreaded happening since before we moved here.
I was in bed for four days feeling dreadful – aching all over, headachy, extremely weak, having strange dreams, and writhing in pain. Having to sit up to drink in order to take medication was almost impossible without Jon helping me.
Fortunately I have seen enough muzungus here who have had malaria and recovered quickly, to not get worried.
Many of them have had malaria enough times to self diagnose and treat themselves. When we first came here to have a look-see before we moved over, we asked people what they did about malaria. Most said they did nothing, and when they got it, took a few pills and came right pretty soon.
We keep a malaria testing kit and tablets in the house so were ready in case it ever happened. There are different kinds of treatment and the one muzungus use is called Coartem. I took it and came right after 4 days
Apparently it’s not used in the UK, and so people there tend to have a more challenging time recovering.
Anyway I’m a lot better now, but it’s certainly an experience I don’t want to repeat.
John Bosco and Geoffrey have both had it recently too, though they recovered more quickly than me because they have had it a number of times before.
The landlord has had a power line put in to their houses so they now have electricity there for the first time – must be very exciting for them. It’s rare for small Ugandan houses to have power.
Mind you we have to pay their electricity bill, so we had to tell them not to let the whole of the local community come in and take advantage of it.
And so our little kitten, Ginger, who Jon thinks is male, is growing. He is about half as big again as he was when we got him a few weeks ago, and has now started running and climbing. Lotte and Ginger get on well together which is a relief. He loves to eat the fish we buy that is found in Lake Victoria. It has a number of names, one of which is ‘baby fish’. They are very small, and are sold in the market very cheaply. We buy them dried, so soak them in water for a few minutes to make them easier for him to digest.
Generally we have a fairly cruisy life over here at the moment. Jon’s contract is for around three days a week, he teaches IT to Jordan et al, plus Kira and her schoolmates for one afternoon, and the rest of the time is his own, except for some private IT clients.
I do quite a bit of homeschooling. I do 2 hours each morning from 8-10am with Kira, and 3 afternoons a week with Jordan. I run some training courses from time to time, organise things at the homeschool centre, and the rest of the time I spend writing books.
For Jordan we have had to construct a timetable for him, and at the moment he is taught by Sandy, me, Jon, Rowena (a secondary Maths teacher from Zimbabwe), Ronnie the sports coach and a Ugandan carpenter called Richard.
He studies on Sunday mornings so he can have an afternoon off during the week.
I’m still giving him driving lessons and we decided to have a change from driving round in a circle on the open ground, so went next door to the Showgrounds - a large area of land, which most of the year is fairly empty. Everything went well the first time and he is picking things up very quickly. The second time we went, I drove in, then we swapped seats. At this point an older man and the guard came over. The older man was instantly very angry. He looked into the car, then pointed to the guard and said “You give this man some money. You give him 1000 shillings. He has not eaten since yesterday.” I said “We do not have 1000 shillings”. The man ranted on for a while, during which the guard looked very sheepish.
The man said “Who gave you authority to come in here?” We told him it was a public place and that we had been there often without trouble, which we have - at least without the car. At this point another car, driven by a Ugandan, went past us. “Do they have authority?” I asked, but knew it was pointless as they were not muzungus. Eventually we left them and went for the driving lesson.
As we went to leave, the guard came over to us. The older man had gone and the guard was no longer sheepish. He said “I have spoken to the management and they say you have to give me 1000 shillings or I will lock you in.”
“We do not have 1000 shillings” I said, “I really do not have it so I cannot give it to you.” It was true, I didn’t have it.
“You give me 1000 shillings or I will lock you in.”
“I will go home and I will bring it back for you” I said.
Jordan was appalled. “This is blackmail” he whispered “Don’t give it to him.”
Although I wasn't scared, given that the guard was standing there with a rifle, that Jordan and Kira were both in the car, and that he was asking for such a small amount of money (32p, 68c) my main aim was to get us out of the situation safely.
He let us drive off, on the promise that I would bring the money back.
Jordan was beside himself. “It’s corruption! It’s blackmail! It’s wrong!”
He was right, of course, but we were out safely, and part of me felt sorry for the guard. What must life be like for people who have to threaten others in order to get such a tiny amount of money?
“Do not go back!” yelled Jordan “Do not give him the money.”
He was very upset over the injustice of it all.
I tried to explain my viewpoint to him. “I will go back, and I will take him 1000 shillings” I said, “because I said I would and I don’t tell people lies. Plus, we only live over the road from the Showgrounds and it would make me feel safer knowing we didn't have an unhappy guard nearby.”
We had to go somewhere first, and then went home so I could get the money. As we arrived at our gate we saw the guard. He walked right past our car on his way home, but didn‘t seem to recognise us. It was pointless going back to the Showgrounds now.
Jordan told Jon about the incident, still very aggrieved over the wrongness of it. We all talked it through and tried to establish the various aspects of the situation.
The next day I went back to the Showgrounds, this time leaving the car outside!
The guard wasn’t there, but one of the Showground managers came over to talk to me.
He said “You confused us yesterday when you came in”, which I decided to take as the nearest thing I was going to get as an apology.
“You cannot have driving lessons in this place” he carried on.
“That is fine” I replied, “We will not come here again.”
And on a slightly lighter note, it’s now the rainy season, and when it rains it comes down in torrents. Fortunately it rarely lasts long, though the red earth becomes extremely muddy.
I took one of Kira’s friends home. She lives down a long, long dirt road. I’d only gone a few metres when I got completely stuck in the mud. Even when I changed into 4 wheel drive I couldn’t manage to get out. I called Kira's friend's Mum but she didn’t answer, so I called her Dad. He had to come home from work to get me out. Not only is he used to his driveway, he’s also a diesel mechanic. Very handy!
The rains and storms don’t help with the electricity supply. This means you can’t charge your mobile phone (it’s very rare to have a landline here), and when coupled with some drop outs in the internet connection may mean you cannot have outside connection at all for a period of time.
And finally, one of the things that I quite like is that Ugandan young adults and children often have what we would call old fashioned names, such as Agnes, Gertrude, Florence, Ethel, Humphrey and Godfrey. We know a couple of little children called Nellie and Cedric.
Cute!
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